SATIRE  ·  Nothing on this site is real. Unlike some sites, we admit it.
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Soon.

A New Era of Theme Park Journalism Is Coming. Guests Have Unknown Number of Days Left.

Sources close to this website confirm a shocking, devastating, major change is coming to theme park news. It will be breaking. It will be urgent. It will be satire. Readers who make it to the end of this paragraph will learn nothing further at this time.

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By Chip Clickworth · Senior Breaking News Correspondent · Has Visited a Park Once
Breaking
Under 24 Hours: Guest Reads Entire Article, Finds No News Theme Park Confirms Permanent Erasure of Thing That Was Never There Magic Kingdom Sells Out Again, Reporter Confirms After Seeing One Line Popular Ride Now Shut Off to Select Guests (Those Not Riding It) Fans Devastated as Beloved Churro Undergoes ‘Major Change’ (Different Napkin) Theme Park Warning: 10 Changes Impacting Vacations (One Is the Weather)